Unearthed from a cave in southern Ohio, this artifact has lead to speculation that it is indeed the missing link between ass and man. Notice how the brain cavity is closely linked to the anal/pelvic region. It is believed that when he uttered thoughts the sound emitted from both orifices at once generating a cloud of confusion. Etymologists believe this was where the term, "speaking out of both sides of the mouth" originated. Others have stated that it was man's first attempt to rise above a grunt.